Fall is in full swing here and I am starting to see the leaves change. The trees are displaying Gods handy work with the most beautiful burnt orange, deep red and bright yellow leaves rolling down the hillsides. Fall in Michigan truly is beautiful. I remember as a child my Nana would rake up leaves in their yard and I would play there for HOURS. The smell of fall always brings me back there to that place. To that house. A place of stability, peace and wonder.
Fall tends to stir up a lot of those memories for me. I spent a lot of time on their 80 + acre farm and my best childhood memories happened there. Picnics in the fields with my Nana and a PB&J. Playing checkers in the evening with my Papa. Going out to feed the horses in our Pjs and muck boots before breakfast in the morning. Life was simple but peace like river flowed there. I belonged there. Sometimes the whiff of burning leaves will leave me chocking back tears missing those days when life was simple and I was “home” in Southern Indiana with my grandparents who loved me and before life was turned upside down and became complicated.
Fall is also a reminder to me of letting go. After the trees display their vibrant wonder ..they let go. Let go of the leaves and become bare, naked of sorts but only for a season. They let go so they can survive the winter. They let go so that new life can emerge and their roots can be pushed deeper.
Letting go is hard. We love to cling to the familiar. We cling the hurt as if its our comfort. We cling to people who hurt us because in a twisted way it seems comfortable and familiar. We feed ourselves the lie that holding on is what is best for us. We don’t want to forget what caused our pain or better yet WHO caused our pain because that might mean we have to face it head on and start working through the things we keep hidden. And it also means we would have to forgive the people who aided or were the cause of our pain. But can I tell you something? God is ready to usher you into a new season of life. He cannot take you where you need to go if you do not move past this hurt and the pain – He needs you to LET GO just as the trees release the leaves and usher in a new season. You must do the same.
I went down the dark and scary road of bitterness and allowed my anger from the things that were done to me by the people who were supposed to love me most rule my life. I was ANGRY and I turned bitter. I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t let anyone in. I tried to numb it. I tried to hide it. I wallowed in it. I screamed about it. I tried to run from it but I was held bondage to it. It hung around my neck like heavy chains. I was heavy, burdened, broken, confused, lost, hopeless, and bought satans lie that I was unlovable and unredeemable. I bought the lie that it was all my fault and I continued to be hurt by those same people who were supposed to love me. They stole from me. I was bitter and angry and truly just broken.
God came and met me right where I was and he began to show me something that started to change everything for me. Me allowing my anger to turn into bitterness which in turn escaladed to self destruction wasn’t actually hurting them – it was destroying ME! Now, I do have to say here that ANGER isn’t the problem when handled in a healthy way. Anger is a feeling God gave us and he himself feels. It’s ok for us to feel Angry. Its what we DO with that anger that is important. I allowed my anger to consume my very being. I needed to LET GO and usher in a new season. To allow God to do his thing, I needed to first do mine. To simply LET GO and surrender all of my broken pieces at the foot of the cross.
The other beautiful thing about letting go is this. It allows God to usher in a new season of beauty for us. A season where our foundation starts to be rebuilt and his promise to re establish us can be fulfilled and you can be full of purpose once again. Just surrender your broken pieces and LET GO. Holding on is only hurting you more and allowing Satan a foothold in your destruction. LET GO.
After deciding to let go of my bitterness and pursue God and healing with full force I can truly say he has totally changed my life, my perspective and filled me with hope. Its a journey, not a destination and it didn’t happen overnight. Days were still sometimes a struggle and I ended up going to talk to someone about everything that happened for a fresh perspective which has been a life changer for me. So, never be afraid to seek help if you feel like your hurt is bigger than you or you just need someone to help you see things in a new perspective.
My misconception of “letting go” was that it meant that I had to allow those people to still be in my life because I had forgiven them. That’s just not true. For my situation allowing those people to still be in my life meant that I gave them a foothold to continue to hurt me and those around me. You can forgive someone and let go of the hurt without rebuilding something that is broken and should stay that way. Broken. God himself sometimes breaks things down in our life. Our job is not to pick them back up and rebuild them.
“… the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told…”Pslam 40: 1-17
You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find You
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
Lauren Daigle – Rescue